Here’s a recap of what has happened in my life since April (last post):
*Marissa and I got married! We live on campus at Williams, probably till next May.
*I am the Cafe manager at Hastings. Pretty much a coffee whiz now.
*Taking Supervised Ministry at Williams. Working with First Baptist Church Walnut Ridge.
That’s about it. It doesn’t seem like much when I write it all down, but I can assure you I’m being stretched thin. I’m not very consistent with my blogs, and typically I only blog when I feel that I’ve come up with something great…something EVERYONE will notice and praise me for. O how very prideful I am!
Well here’s my honest blog people. I have been worshiping idols for a long time. I place just about everything in front of God in my life. When it comes to free time, I’ll consider doing anything other than spending time with God. Video games, eating, tweeting, reading, anything. I am very serious. That has been the story of my life my entire college career. I’m not going to blame anyone or anything, I have no one to blame but myself. The reason why my relationship with God over the years has stagnated is because it is very much one sided. I have become skeptical, cynical, and judgmental over the years. I fear that I have influenced other to feel the same at Williams. I have had virtually no accountability, no guidance, nor have I sought after it. I’ve been living in fear. Fear of everything, except God. Every problem in life I attempt to tackle on my own. What’s worse is that I feel like I have all the answers! I can speak theologically, preach well, and convince anyone that my relationship with God is tight!
Ugh…I had a hard time writing that down. I hate that. Anyways people, close your eyes and think of Gods grace. Grace brother, grace. You know I have been walking as a believer for a long time never truly understanding grace? Heck, if you would have asked me three years ago what grace was I would not be able to tell you. If you would have asked me last year I would have given you some crappy definition. But man, grace is just now revealing itself to me. Grace drives out all fear. Understanding grace heightens your spiritual awareness. O man, I cannot tell you how the Holy Spirit has changed my heart and mind recently. Even though I would never admit it to you in the past, I have been living a works based “Christian” life. Drowning in the shame and guilt of never giving God enough of my time. Feeling worthless/useless. Grace will have none of that. Understanding Gods grace is understanding who He is, and that’s love brother.
Is it really as simple as that? Jesus loves you this I know…That whole jingle? Let me ask you something, do you love the ones in your life who love you? I sure do. But for the longest there has been someone in my life who loves me deeper than anyone else can, and I have never truly loved Him in return. How is that possible? Is it possible to have faith without love? I think so. Heck, I’ve lived it…and I do not think I am alone. Please pray that God continues to reveal his love to this broken believer. Keep me accountable if you will, I promise I’ll be honest. Have a good week, and remember not to neglect your Father.