College life: Under Attack?!!?

Games like Halo 3:ODST, WoW, Starcraft, Left 4 Dead, and the ever popular mind numbing website Youtube make college life a blast, but also torture. Endless nights of playing video games with friends, laughing at the grape stomp lady on youtube, and late night taco bell runs make studying for some, a near impossibility.

Soon the leaves turn red and yellow, the grass begins to wither, and the trees become bare…and the scent of Mid-Terms and Finals begin to fill college campuses (also known as “Body Odor”, a term used to describe a student who stays up the previous night typing a 10+ page research paper)

So what do gaming developers do to their loyal customers during these times of anxiety and stress? Well I tell you what Activision does, they release COD: Modern Warfare 2, the most highly anticipated first-person shooter of the year. Then Valve and Ubisoft, two evil gaming developers possibly derived from satan himself, decide to release Left 4 Dead 2 and Assassins Creed 2 on the same day!

This is a conspiracy I tell you! It is clear to me that certain gaming developers have their sights set on world domination! In fact, Bungie, the developers of the ever popular Halo games, have actually admitted to this evil truth.

With all these pieces in place, Bungie can concentrate on its ultimate goal:

7 Steps to World Domination.

  • Start independent gaming software company.
  • Dominate Mac platform: Launch assault on Windows platform.
  • Announce killer gaming title.
  • Acquire strangely addictive Chinese food company.
  • Recover Ling Ling’s head.
  • Stage bloody coup of new parent company.
  • Take over World. Shoot enemies into sun with giant slingshot.

It’s time for college students to take a stand! Break out the old N64’s and PS1s, you know the systems that were designed with only love and compassion in mind! Alright, well I’m done ranting, Siler and I are headed to Taco Bell.